


Making Choices

by cantodelcolibri



Series: Nothing More to Say (if you insist) [5]
Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Infinity, M/M, non-con elements on both sides but not sex i mean the vampire thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-09-11 00:36:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8945821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cantodelcolibri/pseuds/cantodelcolibri
Summary: It was almost as if Fai were hesitating, as Sakura never did during the games. As if Fai still had half a mind to starve himself despite the worried looks Sakura, Syaoran, and Mokona had been prone to give him as of late. As if he was ready to die just to spite Kurogane. But Kurogane knew that Fai knew he was still necessary, and Kurogane knew that if it weren't for the sake of the princess, he wouldn't be able to convince Fai to feed at all. After all, the game needed three players.





	1. Urges

**Author's Note:**

> im sad

_Infinity_

* * *

 

When they landed in the new world, the sky was bleak and gray. Kurogane initially thought that the country was going through a rainy season. But it turned out to be pollutants overhead instead of actual clouds. If the planet had a sun, then it constantly hid behind the sickly gloom of its atmosphere.

Through bright neon advertisements that seemed too good to be legitimate, they found the chess games. Sakura was adamant they join, and money was money, so they did. Mokona felt what could be a feather, and while they tried to investigate its source, they had to do something. They found a landlord that didn’t ask too many questions and settled down in a wide apartment with four rooms. In the previous worlds, they would refer to lodgings as comfortable as these as ‘home’. Temporary, but ‘home’. Kurogane never did. But he noticed that no, none of the others did either.

Mokona never laughed, Fai avoided him, Sakura avoided everyone, and the new kid seemed just as lost as the princess had without her memories. Except he had them. From what he understood, this Syaoran had been watching through the other’s eyes the entire time they’d been together.

Magic. Kurogane hated it.

And it was in him now, more than the pinprick given to him by the grace of being his mother’s son. He felt it now, the result of the vampire blood.

When he bled at a luck hit of one of their chess opponents, it healed quicker than was human. Bruises faded in hours, his already impressive stamina ran longer. And that was only within Kurogane himself.

Constantly, he could feel a thin connection between himself and the wizard. An awareness. He could feel his anger and grief and bitterness. It got under his skin, unnerved him, but he accepted the repercussions of his wish.

Days passed, and those feelings turned to cold apathy. Kurogane wasn’t sure which one he preferred.

He could feel his hunger, but the mage avoided him. He saw him weakening in the games, soon he would become a liability. But he was stubborn, and wouldn’t meet his eye when he asked if he needed to feed. Instead he fled, hid with Sakura in her room and ignored their reality in favor of dying slowly.

Because Kurogane could feel that, through his bond. He knew he was starving. Starvation led to death. And while Fai depended on Kurogane’s life to live, the reverse didn’t hold true. Not really.

Kurogane had already experienced what it felt like for the mage to die on him, back in Outo. And that had been before everything. He didn’t want to find out how he’d react now. So he had to find a way to convince Fai to feed.

It needed to be done. Kurogane wished for his life, and he would help him live it.

* * *

 

Getting him alone and away from the children’s worried eyes turned out to be as simple as grasping him by the forearm when he tried to brush him by and pulling him into the open doorway of his room.

Making choices for him, he was sick of it.

“Do you need to feed?” he asked in a tight voice once he had closed the door behind him and stood against it. He cast a cursory glance at the room, barren save clothing strewn about haphazardly. Just like their room in Yama.

“I’m fine.” Fai said flippantly. Kurogane growled.

“If I can feel you, then you should feel me, right? I know you’re not fine. Don’t lie to me, mage.”

Fai smiled, sharp and unkind. “Mage, mage, mage. My name is Fai. Or would you prefer to assign me the moniker ‘vampire’ now?”

“This isn’t permanent.” he reminded him. Fai snorted.

“Whatever makes you feel better, Kurogane.”

He had known from the moment he first saw Fai drop his fake smile worlds ago, that this was a man that wielded his words as effectively as Kurogane did his sword. The pain he inflicted didn’t draw blood, but that didn’t mean it hurt any less.

“What would make me feel better is if you took your head out of your ass and stopped fighting this!” He marched into the room, confident he had the mage’s attention and that he wouldn’t walk back out of the room. “Hate me all you want, but you need to drink. You’re going to die if you don’t!”

“Oh?”

“Please.”  

It wasn’t his imagination. As soon as the word left his lips, he felt a phantom spike of longing. Of hunger. Kurogane could convince him to take what he needed. He just needed to press.

Fai eyed him warily as he took a switchblade from his pocket and used it to point at his arm. "Would it be easier for you if I used this?"

Fai didn't give an answer. He just glared. Kurogane nodded and rolled his sleeve up. But before he could flip the blade open, Fai had moved across the room in the blink of an eye and pinned him against the wall. With his forearm pressed against Kurogane's windpipe, he snatched the blade with his free hand and threw it behind them.

"Don't you think," he said, voice silky and dangerous, "That you've made enough decisions for me?"

"I wouldn't have to if you would stop being an idiot and learn to take care of yourself, asshole." Kurogane wrenched Fai's arm from his neck. He was uncomfortably aware that he was only able to do it because Fai let him. To prove his suspicion, he tried to shove the man off of him completely, but only managed to get himself shoved painfully back for his trouble.

"Learn to take care of myself?" He gave a shaky laugh. "Take care of myself? Is that what you want?" His breath ghosted along the base of Kurogane's neck. His breath was about the only thing warm about him now.

"That's-" Kurogane gave a frustrated sigh, "That's exactly the kind of shit I'm talking about. It shouldn't-" he felt cold fingers trace the line of his jaw and had to fight off a shiver when he felt every breath Fai took against his neck, "Be about what I or anyone-"

"And what does taking care of myself entail, Kurogane?"

"...wants."

"Hmmm?" Fai purred, icy lips tracing over his collarbone. Kurogane looked down to see a golden eye regarding him carefully. There was a trace of his old playfulness.

Kurogane scoffed and turned his face away. "Figure it out for yourself, dumbass."

"What should I do then, Kurogane? Tell me. What do you want?" He felt Fai's fangs scrape his skin.

"It's not-"

"-about what you want is it?" The purr turned into a snarl at the end. "It's about what I want. If taking care of myself means I get to do what I want then-"

"Now you're just putting words in my mouth." Kurogane looked down angrily, but found Fai's eyes fixed on his neck. His gaze was hungry, predatory. He couldn’t move, and Kurogane was uncomfortable to realize this skittish, frozen feeling beneath his skin was an awareness. An awareness that he for once was not in control. Here, here he was prey. This time he couldn't hold back the tremor that ran through him. Was it fear? Anticipation?

"Then." Fai went on as if he hadn't been interrupted and harshly cupped his chin and pushed it up, better exposing the line of his throat. Kurogane felt him give a slight pause, fangs elongated and breath coming in short, angry bursts. It was almost as if he were hesitating, as Sakura never did during the games. As if Fai still had half a mind to starve himself despite the worried looks Sakura, Syaoran, and Mokona had been prone to give him as of late. As if he was ready to die just to spite Kurogane. But Kurogane knew that Fai knew he was still necessary, and Kurogane knew that if it weren't for the sake of the princess, he wouldn't be able to convince Fai to feed at all. After all, the game needed three players.

Almost as if they had reached that conclusion at the same time, Fai closed the albeit small gap between his mouth and Kurogane's neck and began to drink.

They hadn't reached a verbal agreement, but nonetheless Kurogane had thought that they both knew that his neck was off limits. He hadn't agreed to this. But still, he didn’t resist. He kept still even as he felt Fai’s fangs sank into the muscle of his neck. He kept still, feeling entirely out of his depth. He kept still, because he didn't know what else to do. He couldn't breathe, and it wasn't entirely due to the vampire leeching the life out of him.

It didn’t hurt, not really, not the during part. The bite was a shock, but that part was over quick enough, invasive as it felt. It was a relief more than anything, but Kurogane couldn’t help but wish that he had been quicker with the blade. It would be simple; an arm is nothing, a wrist is convenient. This was...intimate. He could feel as Fai went from cold to burning. He could feel his blood drain away and he didn’t know if it was in his head or if it was the weight of the man pressed against him, but he could _feel_ Fai coming alive again.

He didn't know what to do with his hands. Fai's hands were on his face, clutching his shoulder. Kurogane felt it would be improper to hold the frame of the man that was forced to feed on him because of his own selfish wish. So he kept them limp at his sides and waited. A few minutes later, he felt the fangs pull free and winced a little when he felt Fai's tongue dart out and lap at the bruised spot on his neck. Things went quiet. He looked down at a head of unwashed blonde hair and waited for him to say something. Do something.

It didn't take long.

"Is this what you want?" Fai choked out. Kurogane had a sinking feeling in his gut at those words. His voice was wrecked, on the verge of tears, but angry ones, desperate ones. "You want me to want? You want me to take care of myself when it could be the en- it can... I can't. I can't!"

Fai finally stepped back and looked at him. He was angry, so angry. As angry as he had been while they waited for Sakura to return with that egg. He was shaking with it. He reflected, then, that Fai had only ever shown his anger after having fed. Maybe it was because of him, because it was his blood running through Fai's veins. It was a familiar anger, a familiar rage. As Fai bored a hole through him with his gaze, Kurogane looked everywhere but at his eyes, sure he wouldn't survive the hatred he would find there.

"I don't know how to. I've never had to. I don't know what I want because I can't have..."

"Mage..." Kurogane was surprised and vaguely proud of how composed he sounded. Blood loss aside, he was tired too. He knew he had walked into the room expecting a confrontation. Never one to skirt from one before, he had been determined. But now he almost felt as if he were more unready for it than the man across from him who was visibly steeling himself.

"But that's not what you want." They weren't touching, the space between them palpable, a yawning chasm. Kurogane had to hold back the ridiculous urge to reach out and stroke his hair to try to calm him. Comfort him. Kurogane knew that he was bad when it came to dealing with emotions. Tomoyo had gone as far as calling him thick-headed. But even Kurogane knew that he was not a source of comfort for the man who reminded him of Ginryu for all that they both seemed capable of spitting fire. Fai took a shaky breath and managed to look him straight in the eye. "You want me to want. You want me to want in a pathetic hope that I'll want you." Fai hissed.

He reminded him of Ginryu, in that they both had the ability to cut him to the bone.

"Why else? Why else would you choose to do this?" Fai was advancing on him, and Kurogane silently chastised himself for not moving to a safer spot at his first chance. But instead of crowding him, Fai grabbed him by the collar and yanked him forward, then pushed him sideways until the edge of the bed did the job for him and threw off his balance. Kurogane managed to sit instead of fall and watched helplessly, for all that he wasn't. He could argue, stand up, leave. But the reason behind his inability to breathe was keeping him rooted. He watched Fai stand over him, looking down at him with an ugly sneer.

"You could have the decency to try to deny it, Kurogane."

He found his voice. "What's the point?" he answered calmly, "You're convinced you're right."

He watched as the sneer left his face and a frustrated scowl took its place. Fai reached out to him and lightly caressed his face. His hand skirted over the bite mark, and settled at the collar of his shirt. Kurogane let himself be shoved back until he was lying on his back, looking up at Fai who was climbing over him. They looked at each other. Fai trying his hardest to get Kurogane to meet his eyes and Kurogane was astutely aware that if he did, that vampire magnetism would render him into an even more useless pile of crap than he already was. So he looked at how for the first time in a long time, Fai's face was flushed. Any guilt the mage's words had inflicted was gone; he looked alive. And for all Fai asked, that was the one thing Kurogane had wanted in that desperate moment. His eyes latched onto a droplet of blood that was coloring the edge of Fai's lips a fiery scarlet.

Fai apparently noticed, because all of a sudden those lips were a hell of a lot closer. They were on him. They were kissing him, his brow, his ear, his jaw. They hovered, breath uneven, over his lips. Kurogane had his hands pressed lightly against his chest, ready to shove him off.  

"Is this what you want?" Fai's voice was challenging.

He kept the silence for a moment longer, weighing his words before they left his lips.

"...I'm not going to make this decision for you."

Kurogane had seen his fair share of kisses. Been half to a few himself. But as far as firsts went, he was sure they were supposed to be soft, chaste, tender things. They were supposed to be pleasurable. They were supposed to taste of sunlight, as his mother had told him during those bedtime tales of brave warriors who made it home to their ladies after a battle well fought.

In this one, all he could taste was hatred and his own blood.

There was no pleasure to this one, he knew Fai was punishing himself as much as he was punishing him. There was no softness, he felt his lip tear on a fang that was too slow on retracting. No guise of chastity, one of Fai's hands was snaking under his shirt and the other was tugging sharply at his hair. No tenderness in the way Fai pushed a knee between his legs and didn't bother to reign in the strength of his hand pressing bruises against his ribs.

But then, Kurogane knew that there would be purple fingerprints blooming along Fai's shoulder before the vampire in him managed to heal it. He knew that if he had fangs, he wouldn’t be the only one bleeding. He knew that his growl was just as possessive, that he was just as in control. But he also knew what Fai knew, and that was that he could never bear to hurt Fai as Fai was hurting him.

With a sense of self he wasn't sure he actually still had, Kurogane pushed Fai away. Fai allowed it, eyes refusing to open for a few long seconds.

Chest heaving, hands shaking and gripping his shirt and faces less than an inch apart, Fai opened his eyes and began to speak. And Kurogane knew that it was the last time he was going to hear Fai direct any sort of emotion at him.

"You took my freedom from me." his voice quavered, "You took my choice! It was my choice to make, and fuck you for not thinking I deserved the right to make it!" Fai took a heaving breath and sat up, straddling him. "I trusted you," he looked as if he were about to cry, "And you took that trust and shoved it down my throat, Kurogane! And I hate you." Kurogane sat up too, arms stretched out as if to rub Fai's arms in the comforting motions he had seen his father do to his mother. He froze, all too aware that their position wasn't to either of their advantages. Fai seemed to realize it too and scrambled to get away. He ended up sitting against his headboard, hugging his knees with his head bowed. "I hate you. I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you."

Kurogane took that as his cue to leave. Fai had fed, so his job was done. He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and was surprised there wasn’t more blood. As he closed the door behind him, he heard Fai's words chase him all the way to his own room, and to his own bed.

He lifted his shirt, and just as he had expected, there were already bruises littering the edge of his ribs. He searched his neck with clumsy fingers and found that the bite marks were already beginning to heal. The bruises would be gone soon too. Good. He didn’t need a reminder. His lip was still torn, but that would fade as well.

He vaguely reflected that it was a good thing that it was so late and they had all been so tired after the match. As Fai would say, the kids have no business hearing their parents-

Oh.

Fuck.

A wave of emotions rushed him all at once, effectively knocking the wind out of him. A stubborn refusal to regret. Pain. Outrage. Despair. Anger. Hate at no one and nothing in particular. Lie. Liar. The mage was a liar. Not him.

Hatred of him. Hatred at his refusal to survive despite the pair of bright young eyes that loved him and worried about him. Hatred of his lies and his words and hate that he almost missed that stupid fake smile. Hate that he had begun to cherish the real ones just as they were taken from him.

Hate that his own chosen name cut worse than a knife. Hate that anyone could reduce him to this. Hate that he would make the deal with the witch again in an instant despite the abuse that it got him. Hate that Fai couldn't manage to get a rise out of him in serious situations, but lighthearted teasing worked every time. Hate that there was no more lighthearted teasing.

He hated the silence. He hated the heavy air in their home. He hated the princess's reclusiveness. He hated the kid's absence, he hated this kid's similarity to the other. He hated the white pork bun on principle. He hated that she was sad too. He hated that before Tokyo, his hate had been exclusively reserved for the man behind the sword. He hated Tomoyo for dropping him into that witch's garden. He hated himself for driving her to it.

Hatred of his voice that still echoed in his head saying the same thing he was thinking. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate.

Kurogane was fighting off a lot of urges tonight. Maybe the hardest was the urge to laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation if it weren't so damn pathetic.  

Maybe the hardest was the urge to cry.


	2. One in Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey so sorry this took half a year

The head of the Vision family was kind to offer her one of their chauffeurs at the close of their dinner. She thanked them for their time and understanding, and they thanked her in turn for the opportunity to repay their debt.

Sakura asked the driver to drop her off a block away from their apartment. She needed time to think and time to gather herself before she had to face the people that loved her and lie to their faces. But she had to, because she loved them. She would say everything is fine. She wouldn't let them know that she would finally, finally, be able to do her part and keep everyone safe. 

Now she would need luck. Now she would have to learn how to survive without it. 

She wanted to keep them safe, but honestly, she also needed time away from them. She loved them, each and every one. Even Syaoran. She loved them enough to risk her life, to put her survival on the flip of a coin. 

Kurogane-san would be so angry with her when he found out. She was doing exactly the sort of thing he hated. 

Or maybe he would understand. After all, she didn’t  _ want _ to die. That wasn’t her wish. It was Fai’s.

She had seen it in her vision as she fell asleep in his arms in the shadow of the government building in Tokyo. She saw him for all he was, and she loved him. She loved him. She loved them. 

But being with them felt stifling now. Everything was so tense, and there was a constant cloud of unhappiness hovering over their heads. 

Kurogane and Fai were the worst. Fai’s initial coldness transformed into apathy, into an ugly bitterness where he at times behaved like nothing was wrong, and nothing had changed. Except Mokona rarely joined in, and Kurogane had to suppress a flinch every time Fai threw his name at him like a barb. And Kurogane was quiet. Instead of lashing out with his sword, he poisoned the air with words that were too true for Fai to bear hearing. Syaoran watched them all quietly, with pained and knowing eyes. Mokona did her best and waited it all out. 

Sakura knew that she was also at fault, shutting herself away, refusing meals, turning down attempts at conversations. She had no past on which to base what they were going through and what she was trying to do. So she childishly hoped that if she broke things off before things got broken, the blow would somehow be softer. 

It was raining softly, and it made everything hazy around her. The neon lights of the city around her were blurred. It still hurt to walk, but the distance wasn’t much. She kept to the shelter of the awning covering every other storefront. The rain was more of a drizzle, and it came and went as it pleased. Colors around her seemed to blend together, a depressing vision of grey concrete and bricks, dirty glass, and flaking posters on posts. The streets were narrow, and with the weather and the time, they were strangely empty. Sakura realized that perhaps she should speed up, be more on alert. But she was floating towards the hovel they were calling home and she didn't feel anything. 

She might die. She should feel something. Fear, or resentment perhaps. But all she felt was a dull worry that maybe it wouldn’t be enough. But it would have to be. She had nothing else to give. Her leg, her luck, her freedom. Her very soul would become trapped, but it needed doing. She needed to save them. For once, it had to be her. 

When she opened the door to their apartment, Mokona greeted her with worried tears in her eyes. 

“I’m home.” She announced, and got an armful of fluffy magical construct. Mokona gushed at her in worry. Sakura surveyed the room and found Kurogane drinking on the couch and Syaoran off to the side standing uncomfortably with Fai across from them. 

“Everything was fine. I’m sorry to have worried you.” She soothed Mokona, then walked over to Fai. He smiled at her, and it was genuine. 

“Welcome home, Sakura-chan.” 

“Thank you.” She said, and she tried ignoring the looks Syaoran was sending her way as she offered Mokona up to Fai to take. “I’m sorry. I think I’m a little tired. I’m going straight to bed.” She said, in hopes it would get Syaoran to take pity and let off a bit. 

But when she turned to head to her room, she felt him take her arm. He helped her there despite her weak protest, and Sakura’s heart hurt. 

She was doing this for him. For all of them, even for herself, but mostly for him. So that he wouldn’t die. So that he could live. But if he continued looking at her like that…

He opened her bedroom door and let her go. She took a few shaky steps forward and paused at the door frame. 

“I’m… sorry.” She said, and she meant it. She knew how badly it hurt to wait. “To have kept you waiting. And… from now on…” She gently pushed the door closed behind her to put a barrier between herself and his piercing brown eyes. “From now on I’d like you to have your freedom.” 

* * *

 

There was a collar that hung from each of their necks. It was a bit poetic, and very fitting, that the world in which they were chained to her would be the world her connection to them would break. 

The day of the final game, Sakura invited Fai into her room to help her pick an outfit and to help her dress. The collar went on last. Fai fastened it around her neck and asked if she was ready. 

“Fai?”

“Yes, my princess?” 

Sakura missed the days when Fai didn’t view himself as her subject to use that sense of duty as an excuse to stay. 

“...Should I help you with yours?” She gestured at the other collar in his hand, and he ducked down to let her fasten it around his slender neck. Her fingers brushed his skin, and she missed the days when his skin was as warm as his smiles.

They walked out of her room and found a repeat of their scene in the living room. Kurogane’s collar was already on, but he was helping Syaoran with his. Mokona lay asleep on a couch cushion. When Kurogane grunted he was done, Syaoran tucked two fingers beneath it and tugged to check the tightness.     

“Thank you.” 

“Yeah, kid.” Kurogane turned. “You two ready to head out? How’s the leg, Princess?”

“A little better this morning, thank you.” Sakura lied sweetly, and Fai’s smile beside her turned sharp and insincere. Sakura sighed. She held onto his arm before he could follow the them out of the door, and called for Kurogane and Syaoran to wait for them down on the street. Fai considered her curiously. 

Once the footfalls of the rest faded down the hallway, he asked, “Now what is it you couldn’t tell me in front of those two, Princess?”  

“Please don’t be angry with him for my sake.” she said earnestly.  

Fai didn’t move. Didn’t react. He blinked slowly and asked carefully, “What do you mean?” 

“You’re angry he let me take on the payment for the water. You’re angry because it could have killed me, but I need neither your nor his permission to decide anything. It was my choice to help.” She wanted him to understand.

But Fai was stubborn. “I know you are capable, Sakura-chan, but he put you in danger.” 

“He put me in no danger that I did not choose for myself.” She answered calmly, letting her hand glide down his arm and slide against his palm. She wove their fingers together, and Fai frowned.

“If he hadn’t made that wish, you wouldn’t have-!” 

“I would have kept my leg, but I would have lost you!” She cut him off. His shoulders fell, and Sakura’s heart ached for him. But she was running out of time, and running out of words to say. 

“I don’t regret it. And neither does he. Please, Fai-san. Please try to see yourself as we see you.” 

When that didn’t manage to get a response out of him, Sakura took in a deep breath and tried again. 

“Fai-san… I… I told you before. I see you, I see  _ us, _ as family. Even…” 

“...Even Syaoran-kun?” Fai finished for her, and Sakura almost wanted to cry at the soft teasing in his voice, mirroring a conversation from long ago. When things were simpler, and it was a different Syaoran-kun. 

“Yes. Even him.” She said, and she meant it. “And how about you? Do you see us as family?”

“I’ve been insincere about a lot of things, Sakura-chan. But calling you my daughter was never one of them.” He said with such honest simplicity that she could almost imagine things weren’t as complicated as they had become. But she was a bit disheartened that he didn’t take the bait.

“...Even Kurogane-san, then?” She pressed. Fai huffed out a breath.

“Unfortunately for both him and I, yes.” 

She could hope, childishly so, that even if she and Syaoran could not have their happy ending, perhaps it wasn’t too late for Fai and Kurogane. 

She unclasped their hands and took a step towards the door, sure Kurogane would be huffing irritably about making them wait so long down below. She closed her hand around the knob and looked back at Fai before opening it.   

“I’m not telling you not to be angry, Fai-san. But if you’re going to be angry… and angry at  _ him _ , be angry for the right reason.” 

Fai stared at her. For a moment, he just looked exasperated. But then he cracked a smile, heaved a sigh, then marched right past her through the door.

“Like father, like daughter, hmm?” Fai chuckled as he walked past. Sakura smiled, bid the sleeping Mokona goodbye, and locked the door behind her.

* * *

 

Sakura wondered how Fai went about with his lies around Kurogane’s watchful eyes. He watched their family with the overprotectiveness of roosting hens she remembered from the pens in the marketplace of the palace in Clow. She was sure that to any outsider, he looked vicious and daunting. But to her, his worry was sweet and comforting. His presence had promised safety for as long as Sakura had known him. 

He would keep them safe even if it went against their own wishes. Once Kurogane loved, he loved fiercely. And he loved them. Despite all his hemming and hawing, he loved them. 

And Sakura’s heart ached for him. 

“You can’t afford to go spacing out on us while you’re walking, Princess. You’re going to trip.” He told her in that tone that wanted to sound gruff, but simply came off as caring. 

If Fai were still Fai, and their game still uncomplicated, he would pop up with a  _ ‘Sakura-chan knows Daddy would catch her because Daddy takes care of all of us!’ _ Then she would laugh and Syaoran would fret, Mokona would encourage, and Kurogane would rage. 

“I’m sorry.” she said to fill the void instead. He clicked his tongue and fell back behind Fai and Syaoran to level her with one of his searching looks. She did her best to keep her face the blank mask she had taken up upon leaving Tokyo. By the look on his face, Kurogane wasn’t a fan of it at all. 

“One after another.” He whispered unhappily. She fought not to grimace. 

But it seemed he noticed her guilt anyway. He leaned back and straightened his shoulders.  _ “Tch. _ Do what you want, Princess. But don’t forget that we’re here too. You’re only as alone as you let yourself be.” 

She couldn’t help the shaky breath she sucked in at his words. Kurogane zeroed in on it. 

“Whatever decisions you make…” he said, and Sakura held her breath. How did Fai do it? How did Fai lie? How did he look into those red eyes and not feel compelled to tell the truth? All she wanted was to be worthy of the trust she knew Kurogane had in her. 

He knew she was up to something. He suspected. And he still trusted her despite that. 

She let the breath out and gave him a small, but entirely genuine, smile. 

“I know, Kurogane-san. Thank you.”    

He nodded at her, then turned those eyes of his to the arena that lay before them. They entered it silently. Fai migrated back to her side, and he held her forearm to help her onto the platform. 

How did he do it? How did he lie? 

She was running out of time. She was running out of time to find the right words. She tightened her grip on his arm, causing Fai to pause after she made it up the final step. 

“Sakura-chan?” 

His eye was the color of a clear blue sky. She could imagine birds soaring in their depths, their song the mock whistles he let out instead of magic. Sakura wanted to remember how free he made her feel, before he killed her. She wanted to commit to memory how at ease he put her, how he was the only one she felt comfortable confessing her insecurities to. She wanted him to live. She wanted all of them to live.  

“Fai-san?” she breathed, and he gave a curious little smile.

“What?”

“You said it, didn’t you? That it would be as I wished.” 

“As long as it is the wish of my princess.” She wished he wouldn’t use that as an excuse to stay. 

“Then… from now on…” She felt certain, then, that she had finally found the right words. Emboldened, she said, “I want you to treat yourself as the most important person in your life. Please promise me.”

The match began before Fai had a chance to answer. But Sakura knew that when it all ended, he would take her words to heart.

* * *

 

Syaoran won. 

The automata lay defeated in her Chess Master’s arms, and Sakura was declared the winner. They declared she was worthy of the prize, and Syaoran moved before Kurogane could even yell at him to grab her, to not let her go. 

But there wasn’t any time. 

Another rift opened, apart from the one belonging to the Chi dressed in black. The new Chi was dressed in a soft blue, and flesh where Infinity’s was robotic. They both opened their arms, and a feather burst out of both their chests.  

Sakura’s hand slipped out of Syaoran’s grip. She was pulled upward by two twin powers, two creations made in the image of a woman long gone from both worlds. Held aloft, she gasped when she felt her power return to her. She didn’t need to look to understand the sudden commotion from down below. 

She closed her eyes as Syaoran told her to. She shut her eyes tight and held onto hope.

_ Everything will be alright. Everything will be alright. Everything will be alright. Everything will be alri- _

The force of a blade running her through blew her eyes wide open. 

She saw blue. The color of the sky. She faded like flower petals drifting lazily amongst the clouds.

 

 

* * *

 

_ I made it in time! _

 

* * *

 

 

Fai looked at her.

From somewhere far away came Kurogane’s panicked voice followed by Syaoran’s anguish.

“Dont pull the sword out!” 

“Sakura!”

Fai looked at her. He looked at her but all he saw was his brother. He pulled the sword out. He screamed. 

Sakura’s soul mustered what strength it had in that mortal plane before Chi could spirit her away. She went to him and comforted him and told him that all was not lost. That she was not lost. But Fai was lost in the past and in his curse, and her heart ached for him. 

She turned to Syaoran and Kurogane, who were staring at them with a mix of horror and hope.

 

 

* * *

 

_ I’m sorry. Please take care of Fai-san! _

 

* * *

 

 

Chi pulled her away before she could finish. Before she could tell them what she knew deep within her heart.

 

 

* * *

 

_ Everything will definitely be alright! _

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aight so i'm not touching celes with a ten foot pole see y'all in nihon next week. And I do mean next week. Nihon is already written so no more half year wait periods if anyone actually follows this like that

**Author's Note:**

> *nicole kidman voice* comments are a girl's best friend~  
> if u wanna come cry with me about these two, find me on tumblr at [ cantodelcolibri](https://cantodelcolibri.tumblr.com/)  
> 


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